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I am not gender neutral. From the beginning I was verynervous and even suspicious. I knew it was all pre-planned, but I justcould not put it all together until later. At first I let them convinceme because I saw it was what they thought was best for me and somethingthey felt I must do. Then, I just couldn't take it because I just didnot understand. All those I trusted and loved were telling me I was nota real person, that I was for the most part always a girl. My body wasmore girl than boy and even my manliness was deformed and useless forall its intended purposes. The real shock came to me when it was soeasy for them to make me appear as a girl. I knew that it would takemore than that to make me appear as a man. That is when I lost it. I nolonger knew who I was or even what I was. I went within and almoststayed there."Helen began to softly cry then, probably she was remembering when Angelhad gone within for months locking out the world."With Marjorie's help and the others. ." I responded. This was not someone I wanted to confidein. I took another sip, warming on the inside. Not something I wantedto discuss with her in the least. I'd deal with this in my own way."In normal circumstances I'd get the pill prescribed to you," sheexplained. I made a sour face. "But there is no point. Period painwon't be a problem for you. It's a performance inhibiter. Bothphysical and emotional. Consequently they've scheduled a hysterectomyfor you. Periods won't be an issue after that. Or pregnancy," Phillipsinformed me as though she was talking about going to a dentist."You're what?" I asked, horrified. They couldn't. They had no right.My hand shook with rage and I threw my coffee across the room. "Whatthe hell?!" I yelled.Doc Phillips eyed me with calm disapproval as the coffee ran down thewall and pooled steaming on the floor. She sipped her coffee. "Yourbody has stopped forming and so it's time. It's scheduled later in theweek," She said cordially."Do I get a say in.
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